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Friday, December 25, 2015

Renewing your Faith

Renewing your Faith
So, it's Christmas & I promised myself that although I need to cook for my gathering later in the day, & my "To Do List" is absolutely enormous  & overwhelming before I am unexpectedly leaving for  a trip soon, I was going to attend Mass this morning.

I walked into the Church for the 1st time down the street completely disengaged & my mind whirling with how many hours I had in the day to get things accomplished.

As I sat & listened to the Priest drone on in his sermon about hell & brimstone, judgment, right versus wrong, it took everything I had to keep my promise to myself with integrity & sit there.  I've left masses many a time when I can't bear to hear the phrases uttered I no longer believe in

There is a point in the Mass where the congregation sets forth intentions together & prays  out loud as a whole.  I woke up with a jolt out  my disengaged haze when I heard words to the effect of. "We pray for those that are  Lonely, The Sick, The Refugees,  Our Departed Loved Ones, The Homeless....."  With each word said, my heart was broken open further & filled with compassion for those less fortunate & the forgotten this Christmas.   Suddenly I'd forgotten the soup I have to make, my to do list, my trip, & was completely present  in unity with the other people in this church. in compassion for others around the globe.

And I knew why my Intuition was so forceful in persisting I go to Mass this morning. It was to receive a Christmas Wake Up Call of Compassion. Compassion for others in this World and also for myself.  To not be so hard on myself to get everything done & just  feel how blessed I am right now.  To feel the deep gratitude of my life & know it will all get done in due time.

I reflected on the times in my life when Prayer had held me together & was my sole solace in Life. I flashed back to the times  growing up, especially in my early teens,  when I so desperately clung to my faith & prayed  relentlessly each week at Mass to get me through 

I flashed back to how prayers answered for Love in my Life and how Career answers always came when I had faith.  I felt the deep respect and gratitude for all of this,  knowing that this is a place more  where aa priest is droning on boringly about some things I no longer believe in, but a place of  great  sanctitude where I have built my life.

When I'd 1st walked in, of course there are endless pews to choose, even on Christmas, the church was empty, I sat in the back as usual.  I couldn't help but notice that the light was streaming in so brightly in a direct ray from my left, I was almost blinded.  As I looked into the window it was shining through, the inscription on the stained glass window of the Saint (which would normally read the Saint's name at the bottom), said "In Memory of My Mother" I've never seen an inscription like that on a church stained glass window.  That light was shining directly onto me the entire mass & I couldn't help but think it was  my mother's light shining down upon me & looking over me.  It didn't move. It didn't flicker. It remained a beacon of her love from heaven the entire Mass.

As  the service neared the end, & I walked down the aisle back from communion, I noticed a handful of people crying in the pews. Christmas is an emotional time for many. I was again overwhelmed with my renewed sense of Compassion for them & thought of who they may be mourning for..lost loved ones, sick relatives & in my heart I reached out to them as I passed.

I walked out of Church having had the Holy Spirit break through my Wall of Busyness & ready to spend Christmas day in a whole new light, & knowing my Mother is with me.

Merry Christmas & may you find this season a renewal of faith & Compassion.
Annie Nonymous