SPEED DATING
As I was within
feet of the entrance to the wine bar, an unexpected jolt of nervousness coursed
through my body. Overall, being a
confident woman, I thought to myself, where is this coming from? I passed it off as being due to being out of
the dating game for years and instantly shrugged it off.
I walked in,
as Clint Eastwood would walk in to a Western Saloon, squinting, taking a stance,
and slowing scanning the place from one end to the other. There were 50
somethings scattered about the long, narrow room, all with wine in their hands,
some chatting, some by themselves. The slim,
40 something, tattooed bartender with a butch haircut was welcoming and
explained the Speed Dating Guy hadn’t arrived yet as she handed me a Wine List.
And then, there
he was, just as I had remembered him, short, nervous, awkward looking, like a
dog that had been waiting too long for you to come home from work and needed to
be let out to do his thing. As always,
when I’d very rarely run in to 1 of them, I didn’t’ know if it was truly him or
his twin brother. Later, I was able to surmise it actually was him and not his
twin from the names on the “scorecard” we used to rate our speed dates. It was
Marvin, a man I very briefly dated in Chicago at least 10 years ago. It ended
abruptly and clumsily which is not the norm for my romantic closures. So much so that again, uncharacteristic of
me, I had no propensity to even say hello.
As I sat at the bar with my back towards him, I could feel his gaze
boring in to my back. I brushed it off and
kept talking to the girls on either side of me as we casually sipped our wine. (We
were making idle chit chat, but of course we were in our minds, sizing each
other up as competition). There were no strong romantic ties with Marvin to our
less than ½ a dozen dates, so I didn’t
take it personally when he left before the event even started. Even though it
was a minuscule reason in the scheme of things as to why I’d left Chicago,
feeling that I’d dated everyone there was to date there did factor in to the
mix. So what are the odds one turns up
here, at my San Francisco speed dating event?
And then, it
began. The men sat down, one after the other, some their foreheads sweating
profusely from nervousness (My heart went out to them), some stumbling
awkwardly at beginning a conversation. I
always picked up the slack as I can usually hit a note of common interest
within a few questions. I am a firm
believer that you have the opportunity to learn something from everyone you
meet. It’s up to you whether you decide
to or not. In the end, maybe I didn’t
meet prince charming, but I certainly was motivated and reinvigorated to start
my own business and become independent, to travel the world more, and
reaffirmed of my social and conversational prowess.
As I was
bemused by idle conversation with short men I knew I would never later connect
with, my writer’s mind was busily multitasking and was forming prose,
describing the men, their conversation, and the interactions. It was like in addition to the external
conversation, I was having an additional internal narrative being written to
share later. As soon as I heard the bell chime for musical chairs, during the
few seconds I had to spare, I hurriedly wrote my mental notes down onto paper.
One of my
favorites was when I told a native IT guy from Berkeley that I was from
Wisconsin. His admiration instantaneously overflowed. He said that he loved Midwesterners! Everyone
he works with that is from Chicago is so down to earth, and just real, and
nice. They’re loyal and dependable, and
just REAL. You just don’t get that out
here he continued. I graciously took the
compliment (which by the way I wholeheartedly agree with his opinion of my
roots….am very proud to bear all those qualities) but reminded him that he
should also acknowledge how great it is here. I said that although Californians
don’t have that unique Midwestern “je ne sais quoi,” the open mindedness,
freedom of expression, and simply acceptance of others’ views found here is so
great, and something that eludes a lot
of Midwesterners when their opinions differ from your own.
I explained that I can’t discuss different
types of meditation with my Midwestern friends. I told him that I got polar
opposite reactions when I told my friends back home that I was moving to Nepal
to study Buddhism. The Californians were
jumping up and down, instantly green with envy.
The Midwesterners had a tentative reaction at best, asking me if I was
alright, and thinking I’d gone over the edge. Hek, there was an Indian Energy healer in the
speed dating mix who studied Paramahansa Yogananda (who by the way, I had a
fascinating 5 minute date with). Someone
like that I would never met at a Chicago speed dating event.
In my
boredom towards the end of all the dates, my sarcastic side came out to play and
went a bit rogue before I could reel it in or stop myself. The gold chained,
blood shot eyed (50 something my ass!) older guy who was a bit rough around the
edges, of course turned out to be from Milwaukee and went to Washington High
School. When he said he was from
Wisconsin, by boredom for the event took over and my mischievous side came out
to play. I looked at him blankly and bewildered
at the word “Wisconsin” when he said the state. So he said, “Do you know where
Wisconsin is?” I shook my head daftly (before
I could stop myself) and he elaborated by naming the neighboring states,
putting his hands up in the air as he did so, to show me as well. I sat silently as he described where
Milwaukee was within the state. Then, as
the bell rang to switch partners, I fessed up and said I’m from the South Side
and went to South Division High School.
His eyes immediately lit up and he got all excited as he stood up to
move to the next chair.
The 1st
man I met, actually sat down with me before the event began. We talked for over 15 minutes. It was Edward,
a Millionaire Entrepreneur who owns his own IT company. Saying he was Pescatarian (which I naively DID
have to ask him to explain) made my budding Vegan heart all aflutter. (They eat only fish as meat in case you were
wondering too) Saying he lived in Europe
woke up my World Traveler. Saying he does stand-up comedy cinched the deal and
my inner Second City Student was sold, hook, line and sinker. Comedy being out common thread, he asked me to
go with him after the event to a show. Being asked out after the Speed Dating event
before the timed dating bell chimed was icing on the cake, setting the tone,
and putting me in a hopeful mood. ). He came right over to me when the timers had
stopped for the night and the speed dates were over. My real date began.
I am counting it as a date. Cha ching. Two in 4 years. I’m on a slow moving roll. We ate French fries on the outdoor patio of an Irish Pub before the show. I was as
giddy as a 5 year old watching the Tesla park itself as he took his hands off
the wheel and pedal (I made him unpark and park the car twice
It is simply
fascinating watching someone else emotionally and mentally take in and absorb
who you are in words, process it, and be impressed. Especially when you feel your current life
is, and has been in shambles for some time now. Your light bulb goes on in a
manner of sorts. You just may have
forgotten who you are, who you were, what you’ve done and accomplished, and how
many varied and interesting things you enjoy.
To see the awe of the entirety of who you are mirrored back to you in a
stranger’s eyes is mesmerizing in itself.
There is a
certain, unique kind of symbiotic connection when every word that drops from
your mouth meets with an equal amount of interest and fervor from the other
person. When you have so much in common you can’t wait for them to stop talking
so you can add to what they’re saying, pushing the conversation forward like a
speeding train, racing down the track.
You’re enthralled with them.
They’re enthralled with you. The
whole thing is a conversational whirlwind of dance and fun that just keeps unfurling
as the evening unfolds.
To be
referred to as an “Extraordinary Renaissance Woman” still makes me grin with
satisfaction. And not to mention, makes
me miss dating. The get to know you
cha-cha of one step forward and one step back as you glide across the expanse
of each others’ lives is so invigorating to your self-esteem.
And so ended
my night of Speed Dating. I woke up still
happy and ready to keep the toe in the water of the dating pool.
This piece
is dedicated to Sharon, who lovingly told me that 4 years of not dating is “simply
unacceptable” and to get my butt out there.
Those magic words that set me in motion.
