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Tuesday, January 1, 2019

New Year's turned on it's head...

January 1st, 2019
New Year's Day Turned on It's Head

On this day the whole world vibrates with the energy of LACK.  Where am I failing?  Where must I do better? How must I CHANGE?  

We enter a new set of numbers set forth by the cosmos and focus on our deficiencies with a new energy and a new attitude.

Maybe, some have the perseverance  to effect actual long term change.  But, the statistics show otherwise.  Most of us start with dedicated, real intentions but proceed to lose our focus, our way in it all.  We get lost once more in the muck of our lives as time goes on and a year from now we will reflect on, write down,  and state to people once again the same (or tweaked versions of the same) resolutions and intentions.

One year older  and with less conviction of them coming to fruition, having failed ourselves again.

So, why do we do it?  Societal pressure?  Everyone else is, right?

Most people end up looking at the previous year with distain and everything that went wrong.  They are happy to be rid of it, wipe the slate clean, and start over.

But, is the turning of the 31st to the 1st on the calendar really wiping the slate clean?  Are our convictions and degree of determination to succeed this time going to be different?  Or will they be fleeting once again?

What if we turned it all on it's head?  What if we looked at everything we actually ACCOMPLISHED and what went RIGHT last year?

What if we took stock and inventory with gratitude, instead of scrutinizing our deficiencies and how we're NOT good enough as we are, how are lives currently are?

What kind of New Year's Celebration would THAT cause?
A New Year that would start on January 1:
  1. THIS is what I accomplished in 2018!
  2. THIS is how my life is better!
  3. THIS is what I will continue to do!
(and that's it)

So, for 2019, I urge you to NOT look at where you FUCKED UP, but where you ARE succeeding as a person, and in your life.  Don't list resolutions and lust over change.  List THOSE, where you are proud of yourself instead.

Food for thought.

Annie Nonymous.

Saturday, November 10, 2018

Questions to Ask Yourself.....

Contemplate the following....
Give yourself time.....
Be Introspective…..
Be Honest.....
Be True to YOU!

  1. What do I want out of life?
  2. Where do I see myself in 5 years?   10 years?
  3. Am I doing, on a daily basis, that which I feel will move my life forward toward my goals?
  4. What are my actual, concrete, goals in life?
  5. Who do I surround myself with?  Are these people positive, nurturing souls that unconditionally support me?
  6. What do I want to be remembered for?
  7. How do I love myself?  Take care of and nurture myself. Physically? Mentally? Emotionally ? Spiritually?
  8. Do I spend my time on a daily basis, a minute by minute basis, on what's important to me?
  9. Do I actually cut myself slack when I screw up?  Is there room for improvement here (to be easy on myself)?
Just Sayin'   ..….

It's so easy as we tread through life to get caught up.  To get lost in the shuffle of life itself.  How many times have you stopped in your tracks and been amazed at, "It's _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ (insert month name).  Where did the year go?"

Life is short.  Take a beat.  Stop.  Breathe.  Be here now.  Relish in the  moment.  Be grateful.  And make the most out of not only where you are, but where you spend your precious time and where you are going.

Carpe Diem!
Annie


Sunday, September 10, 2017

Speed Dating.....



SPEED DATING
As I was within feet of the entrance to the wine bar, an unexpected jolt of nervousness coursed through my body.  Overall, being a confident woman, I thought to myself, where is this coming from?  I passed it off as being due to being out of the dating game for years and instantly shrugged it off.

I walked in, as Clint Eastwood would walk in to a Western Saloon, squinting, taking a stance, and slowing scanning the place from one end to the other. There were 50 somethings scattered about the long, narrow room, all with wine in their hands, some chatting, some by themselves.  The slim, 40 something, tattooed bartender with a butch haircut was welcoming and explained the Speed Dating Guy hadn’t arrived yet as she handed me a Wine List.

And then, there he was, just as I had remembered him, short, nervous, awkward looking, like a dog that had been waiting too long for you to come home from work and needed to be let out to do his thing.   As always, when I’d very rarely run in to 1 of them, I didn’t’ know if it was truly him or his twin brother. Later, I was able to surmise it actually was him and not his twin from the names on the “scorecard” we used to rate our speed dates. It was Marvin, a man I very briefly dated in Chicago at least 10 years ago. It ended abruptly and clumsily which is not the norm for my romantic closures.  So much so that again, uncharacteristic of me, I had no propensity to even say hello.  As I sat at the bar with my back towards him, I could feel his gaze boring in to my back.  I brushed it off and kept talking to the girls on either side of me as we casually sipped our wine. (We were making idle chit chat, but of course we were in our minds, sizing each other up as competition). There were no strong romantic ties with Marvin to our less than ½  a dozen dates, so I didn’t take it personally when he left before the event even started. Even though it was a minuscule reason in the scheme of things as to why I’d left Chicago, feeling that I’d dated everyone there was to date there did factor in to the mix.  So what are the odds one turns up here, at my San Francisco speed dating event?

And then, it began. The men sat down, one after the other, some their foreheads sweating profusely from nervousness (My heart went out to them), some stumbling awkwardly at beginning a conversation.  I always picked up the slack as I can usually hit a note of common interest within a few questions.  I am a firm believer that you have the opportunity to learn something from everyone you meet.  It’s up to you whether you decide to or not.  In the end, maybe I didn’t meet prince charming, but I certainly was motivated and reinvigorated to start my own business and become independent, to travel the world more, and reaffirmed of my social and conversational prowess.

As I was bemused by idle conversation with short men I knew I would never later connect with, my writer’s mind was busily multitasking and was forming prose, describing the men, their conversation, and the interactions.  It was like in addition to the external conversation, I was having an additional internal narrative being written to share later. As soon as I heard the bell chime for musical chairs, during the few seconds I had to spare, I hurriedly wrote my mental notes down onto paper.

One of my favorites was when I told a native IT guy from Berkeley that I was from Wisconsin. His admiration instantaneously overflowed.  He said that he loved Midwesterners! Everyone he works with that is from Chicago is so down to earth, and just real, and nice.  They’re loyal and dependable, and just REAL.  You just don’t get that out here he continued.  I graciously took the compliment (which by the way I wholeheartedly agree with his opinion of my roots….am very proud to bear all those qualities) but reminded him that he should also acknowledge how great it is here. I said that although Californians don’t have that unique Midwestern “je ne sais quoi,” the open mindedness, freedom of expression, and simply acceptance of others’ views found here is so great, and something  that eludes a lot of Midwesterners when their opinions differ from your own.

 I explained that I can’t discuss different types of meditation with my Midwestern friends. I told him that I got polar opposite reactions when I told my friends back home that I was moving to Nepal to study Buddhism.  The Californians were jumping up and down, instantly green with envy.  The Midwesterners had a tentative reaction at best, asking me if I was alright, and thinking I’d gone over the edge.  Hek, there was an Indian Energy healer in the speed dating mix who studied Paramahansa Yogananda (who by the way, I had a fascinating 5 minute date with).  Someone like that I would never met at a Chicago speed dating event.

In my boredom towards the end of all the dates, my sarcastic side came out to play and went a bit rogue before I could reel it in or stop myself. The gold chained, blood shot eyed (50 something my ass!) older guy who was a bit rough around the edges, of course turned out to be from Milwaukee and went to Washington High School.  When he said he was from Wisconsin, by boredom for the event took over and my mischievous side came out to play.  I looked at him blankly and bewildered at the word “Wisconsin” when he said the state. So he said, “Do you know where Wisconsin is?”  I shook my head daftly (before I could stop myself) and he elaborated by naming the neighboring states, putting his hands up in the air as he did so, to show me as well.  I sat silently as he described where Milwaukee was within the state.  Then, as the bell rang to switch partners, I fessed up and said I’m from the South Side and went to South Division High School.  His eyes immediately lit up and he got all excited as he stood up to move to the next chair.

The 1st man I met, actually sat down with me before the event began.  We talked for over 15 minutes. It was Edward, a Millionaire Entrepreneur who owns his own IT company.  Saying he was Pescatarian (which I naively DID have to ask him to explain) made my budding Vegan heart all aflutter.  (They eat only fish as meat in case you were wondering too)  Saying he lived in Europe woke up my World Traveler. Saying he does stand-up comedy cinched the deal and my inner Second City Student was sold, hook, line and sinker.  Comedy being out common thread, he asked me to go with him after the event to a show. Being asked out after the Speed Dating event before the timed dating bell chimed was icing on the cake, setting the tone, and putting me in a hopeful mood. ).    He came right over to me when the timers had stopped for the night and the speed dates were over.  My real date began.

 I am counting it as a date.  Cha ching. Two in 4 years.  I’m on a slow moving roll.  We ate French fries on the outdoor patio  of an Irish Pub before the show. I was as giddy as a 5 year old watching the Tesla park itself as he took his hands off the wheel and pedal (I made him unpark and park the car twice

It is simply fascinating watching someone else emotionally and mentally take in and absorb who you are in words, process it, and be impressed.  Especially when you feel your current life is, and has been in shambles for some time now. Your light bulb goes on in a manner of sorts.  You just may have forgotten who you are, who you were, what you’ve done and accomplished, and how many varied and interesting things you enjoy.  To see the awe of the entirety of who you are mirrored back to you in a stranger’s eyes is mesmerizing in itself.

There is a certain, unique kind of symbiotic connection when every word that drops from your mouth meets with an equal amount of interest and fervor from the other person. When you have so much in common you can’t wait for them to stop talking so you can add to what they’re saying, pushing the conversation forward like a speeding train, racing down the track.  You’re enthralled with them.  They’re enthralled with you.  The whole thing is a conversational whirlwind of dance and fun that just keeps unfurling as the evening unfolds.

To be referred to as an “Extraordinary Renaissance Woman” still makes me grin with satisfaction.  And not to mention, makes me miss dating.  The get to know you cha-cha of one step forward and one step back as you glide across the expanse of each others’ lives is so invigorating to your self-esteem.

And so ended my night of Speed Dating.  I woke up still happy and ready to keep the toe in the water of the dating pool.


This piece is dedicated to Sharon, who lovingly told me that 4 years of not dating is “simply unacceptable” and to get my butt out there.  Those magic words that set me in motion.

Friday, July 21, 2017

The 54th Birthday Creed....



                Friday, July 21, 2017
MY  BIRTHDAY  CREED
Here and Now I Decide to Stop Fighting Life.
To Stop Cramming my Own Agenda for My Life down My Throat.
Instead of Widening My Perspective to the Larger Agenda I have Refused to See.

I Stop Fighting The Current.
I have been Rowing so Furiously Upstream, Against The Current of Life, I am Exhausted.
I Allow The Boat to Turn, To Change Direction.
I Throw my Hands Up.
I Let Go of The Oars.

I Peer Ahead with The Excited Curiosity of A Child at The Unknown that Lay before me.
I Use my Deep Determination and my Strong Drive for Self-Love, for Self-Discovery, for Questions instead of Answers.

I Set The Past firmly Behind Me.

I Am, as We All Are, The Most Powerful Spec in The Universe,
Capable of Feats beyond Measure,
Constrained only by The Limits of my Imagination.

I Synchronistically C0-Create Miracles from Beyond.
I Turn the Futile Energy I Expended Fighting “What Was” to Moving Forward with Surrender, and with Courage, and with Wonder.

The Best is Yet To Come:
Love,
Inspiration,
Transformational Shift to Deliver
is Just Around The Corner.

I Shed my Limiting Beliefs:
I Molt my Skin of Self-Doubt as I Step into a Bright Future of Infinite Possibilities.

On This Birthday, It is Christmas Morning,
And The Gift I Bestow upon Myself is Freedom:
Freedom to Change,
Freedom to Buck The System,
Freedom to Step in to my Full Potential
                                With Confidence and  with Unbridled Enthusiasm.

I Shed the Restless Angst that kept me Imprisoned in Stagnation.
The Prison Bars of Societal Conformity are Behind me as I Forge a Path into The Unknown.

I Tune INWARD.
I Pay Attention to My Inner World.
I Nurture it Every Day,
Fostering my own Growth of My Soul with The Food that Feeds my Spirit:
                Meditation,
                Exercise,
                Nature,
                Relationship,
                Healthy Food
                Divine Connection to Source,
                Creativity
                Fun,
                And All that Serves me.

In This Year, I Commit Myself to my Divine Potential in Service to Humanity.
I Use my Voice to Inspire, To Contribute, and To Shift All That Is.

I Stand on the Precipice of The cutting Edge of Humanity’s Consciousness
 and I Jump with Full Awareness and a Full Commitment to Do My Part for Shift.

I Release,
I Connect to Universal Consciousness,
And I Plug in to It’s Stream,
                It’s River,
                It’s Flow.
I Go with The Current, Knowing I Am Always Guided, with each Step Forward.

I Infuse Every Breath I take with Complete Presence and Total Gratitude for The Gift of This Life,
                To Be Here at this Pivotal Point on Earth.

Amen!
TO 54!

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Closure and New Beginnings..


Closure
"Closure" is a word that has many meanings to different people.  The very thought of it, for some, means slamming the door shut on a bitter memory, such as a bad intimate relationship that left their heart in shambles.

But Closure  can also mean turning a corner to something new.  It is indeed a leaving behind of the past, but that can mean letting go of a past you have held tightly and dearly for me in this case, for decades, while waiting to again feel that sense of belonging in life & a happy status quo as you flitter through perfect days of personal & career ecstasy.

I am about to embark on a Pilgrimage  next month.  It will have a 2 fold, inextricable purpose.  One, to connect with a Teacher I revere who has helped me to unfold  over the course of the past 8 months in ways I could have never conceived. The second, to re visit my Old Stomping Grounds where I spent some of the happiest years of my life in romance, friendship, and career. To reawaken those sleeping memories and remember how to savor life each day.

Yet it will be a Closure of sorts as I visit my where I once lived, restaurants I ate at with friends, & boyfriends, and my old store.  To look back and Feel  the warmness of it all rush over my heart, I will also be letting it go as I will be simultaneously  vividly cognizant of the stark reality that time has moved on from that place in my life.

This is not the 1st time I have embarked on this type of emotional Pilgrimage.  I look forward to it as before I found it extremely both cathartic and walked away with a strange sense of renewed optimism.

The further we distance ourselves in this life from our early years both in time and physical distance, the more they fade into the recesses of our brains and hearts.  Yet the emotional draw to that time and place can haunt us, calling us back for Closure.

Closure  to remember
Closure to re awaken
And Closure to let go.

I encourage you to re visit the places that you hold dear in your heart for a closure that will lead you to reinvigorate your life once more.

Namaste,
Annie Nonymous

Friday, December 25, 2015

Renewing your Faith

Renewing your Faith
So, it's Christmas & I promised myself that although I need to cook for my gathering later in the day, & my "To Do List" is absolutely enormous  & overwhelming before I am unexpectedly leaving for  a trip soon, I was going to attend Mass this morning.

I walked into the Church for the 1st time down the street completely disengaged & my mind whirling with how many hours I had in the day to get things accomplished.

As I sat & listened to the Priest drone on in his sermon about hell & brimstone, judgment, right versus wrong, it took everything I had to keep my promise to myself with integrity & sit there.  I've left masses many a time when I can't bear to hear the phrases uttered I no longer believe in

There is a point in the Mass where the congregation sets forth intentions together & prays  out loud as a whole.  I woke up with a jolt out  my disengaged haze when I heard words to the effect of. "We pray for those that are  Lonely, The Sick, The Refugees,  Our Departed Loved Ones, The Homeless....."  With each word said, my heart was broken open further & filled with compassion for those less fortunate & the forgotten this Christmas.   Suddenly I'd forgotten the soup I have to make, my to do list, my trip, & was completely present  in unity with the other people in this church. in compassion for others around the globe.

And I knew why my Intuition was so forceful in persisting I go to Mass this morning. It was to receive a Christmas Wake Up Call of Compassion. Compassion for others in this World and also for myself.  To not be so hard on myself to get everything done & just  feel how blessed I am right now.  To feel the deep gratitude of my life & know it will all get done in due time.

I reflected on the times in my life when Prayer had held me together & was my sole solace in Life. I flashed back to the times  growing up, especially in my early teens,  when I so desperately clung to my faith & prayed  relentlessly each week at Mass to get me through 

I flashed back to how prayers answered for Love in my Life and how Career answers always came when I had faith.  I felt the deep respect and gratitude for all of this,  knowing that this is a place more  where aa priest is droning on boringly about some things I no longer believe in, but a place of  great  sanctitude where I have built my life.

When I'd 1st walked in, of course there are endless pews to choose, even on Christmas, the church was empty, I sat in the back as usual.  I couldn't help but notice that the light was streaming in so brightly in a direct ray from my left, I was almost blinded.  As I looked into the window it was shining through, the inscription on the stained glass window of the Saint (which would normally read the Saint's name at the bottom), said "In Memory of My Mother" I've never seen an inscription like that on a church stained glass window.  That light was shining directly onto me the entire mass & I couldn't help but think it was  my mother's light shining down upon me & looking over me.  It didn't move. It didn't flicker. It remained a beacon of her love from heaven the entire Mass.

As  the service neared the end, & I walked down the aisle back from communion, I noticed a handful of people crying in the pews. Christmas is an emotional time for many. I was again overwhelmed with my renewed sense of Compassion for them & thought of who they may be mourning for..lost loved ones, sick relatives & in my heart I reached out to them as I passed.

I walked out of Church having had the Holy Spirit break through my Wall of Busyness & ready to spend Christmas day in a whole new light, & knowing my Mother is with me.

Merry Christmas & may you find this season a renewal of faith & Compassion.
Annie Nonymous





Sunday, September 27, 2015

Unity in Diversity

Unity in Diversity
Yesterday, as I pulled up at a stoplight, standing on the island less than 2 feet from my car, was a man, with ragged clothes, his face sun burned and hair unkept, holding a sign asking for money. I immediately & instinctively reached into my wallet, rolled down my window, smiled & handed him a bill. He smiled, & said, "Wow!  Unbelievable. Thank you!"  His gratitude engulfed me like a warm blanket & the smile didn't leave my face for a good 20 minutes after making that left turn to get onto the freeway.

I thought to myself, if we are all One as so many spiritual teachers preach, when you give to the homeless, you give to yourself. When you turn the other way & ignore them, you truly shun yourself & the parts of YOU that you don't want to face.  There is no rationalization or logic; no "they'll just use it for drugs or alcohol."   It is not my job to guess or decide that person's path or where the money will go, it's simply my job to give. 

I have given  to each person I have passed on the street my whole life.  I have given at 10:00PM on Sepulveda Blvd in Van Nuys (L.A) at a gas station after work.  People have often asked me, "haven't you felt like you were in danger? " Not once did I ever feel anything other than I had been chosen to shine my light into someone else's life.

There was a song we sang in Catholic school where the course was, "Whatever you do to the least of my Brothers, that you do unto me."   I guess that sunk in.  Would you ignore Source?   Your job is to answer the call in whatever form in comes in & whomever it shows up as.  It is not always packaged in the neat box of volunteering somewhere or donating clothes. 

More often than not,  the response I will get from the person is, "God Bless you."   I cannot imagine a more heartfelt blessing from the Pope himself.

I distinctly remember a time walking down Michigan Ave in Chicago from the Water Tower Building to the South Loop & giving  around 9 times.  Each time I reached out my hand, I felt freer & lighter as I smiled.  By the end of the walk I was somewhere between skipping inside & walking on air.  It is so gratifying to give a bit of happiness to a stranger's day  & really get that what is a little to you is a big deal to someone else.

The bottom line is when we see The Homeless &/or someone asks us for money, it stirs an emotion within us, be it positive or negative: empathy, disgust, compassion, or the want to ignore.

My grandmother, who I used to refer to as St. Grandma was a light in this world.  When I was a young child, if a homeless person knocked on the door, she would invite them in to eat with us.  I remember her sewing up injured stray cats who had been in an alley fight.  I have been blessed with stark examples & emotional DNA programmed of kind hearts to turn in the direction of those in need, instead of  to look the other away.

So, next time a face in need turns your direction, Sow Some Good Seeds & in honoring them, honor yourself, for we truly are All One.